Pimpology vs Harry Potter

William — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 03:44:00 GMT

On Fridays, Kim and I typically go to P.F. Changs for dinner and then go to Barnes and Noble to and go book shopping. Tonight everything was going well, and after dinner we walked across the street to B & N. At some point, I started having flashbacks to the Elian Gonzalez drama that gripped Miami for so long and made many facets of life difficult.

By the time we walked to the parking lot, we saw news truck after news truck. Every major media network was represented. The whole complex was just packed and all the parking spaces by B & N were taken. At that point it dawned on me that this was Harry Potter release night. Actually, that last part isn't exactly true, that's how I wished it went down.

Right before we were finishing dinner, Kim mentioned that it was Harry Potter release night and that it might be crowded. I opened my big trap and said "Jeezzusss, how crowded to you think it can be?" After all, this is still Greenville. It's not uncommon for people to send letters to the editor talking about how Harry Potter == speed train to h*ll. I frequently overhear people in stores and restaurants talking about how awful Harry Potter is or how terrible so and so is b/c they let their kids watch/read Harry Potter stuff. So I couldn't possibly imagine that many people would be out waiting to pick up the book. Not surprisingly, I was wrong.

The store was packed. I mean Jammed packed. There were people walking around with "The end is near signs" everywhere. Everyone under 20 it seemed was dressed up in Harry Potter garb ranging from just wearing the glasses to going all the way. Few things irritate me more than crowds and to be honest, the last time I was in a book store that was this crowded, I was a Senior in high school in B Dalton trying to get a copy of the Satanic Verses before they pulled it from the shelf. Heck, they were pulling it from the shelf so it had to be cool. If I remember, it was really expensive (this was 1988 or 89), something like $50.00 - which back then, was pretty pricey for a book of that nature. Anyway,, I couldn't get into the computer books isle so I took a detour to try to go down the aisle from another direction. I walked back the Self Help aisle and was kind of chuckling at some of the folks there and the titles of books. I was almost expecting to see some unemployable dork reading Drive Yourself Sane or some equally lame garbage when, low and behold I saw this:

Pimpology - The 48 Laws of the Game

Never forget yo, the Hype is real.

Mind you, this was in Self Help/Self Improvement section. At first I figured it was humor just b/c of the title. Then I picked it up though and realized it was actually serious. It should have been in the Business Books section although I guess I can't argue that it's a self improvement book too.

It's a classic case of don't judge a book by the cover I guess, b/c it's apparently a very serious book,extremely serious from the parts I've skimmed, but well, as Pimpin' Ken says "Remember that if ifs and ands were pots and pans, the whole world would be a kitchen" So it caught my eye and I just had to flip through it. I said "Look honey, this is just what I need" and Kim just rolled her eyes at me and gave me that "there he goes again" look. Some guy next to me was reading something by some dude named James Bradshaw about healing your inner child or something. He glanced at the cover of my book and looked at my like I was buying a Harry Potter book for my kid or something. So I flip through the Table Of Contents:

Law 4 - Keep a Ho in Arrears

Law 8 - Pimp like you Ho-Less

Law 19 - Turn Ho ends into dividends

These were just a few of the valuable lessons contained in Pimpology - The 48 Laws of the Game. Kim disappeared at that point, I suspect b/c she realized how stupid I was going to look when I walked up the counter to buy this book. The lines were insane and as I tried to cut through the crowds to get over to the checkout line, all I could think was "It's hard out here for a Pimp". As I was in line, Kim found her way over to me. I started reading excerpts of the book and with each passing phrase from Pimpin' Ken, she seemed more and more convinced I'm a complete idiot. So I get to the counter and proceeded to check out. The girl behind the counter was a school teacher and stared at the cover , looked at me, looked really confused and then told me "Well, people buy all kinds of stuff. People come in and buy High Times magazine and books on how to grow pot. They always say it's for a class project and I know it's not b/c i'm a teacher." I assured her that my interest in the Pimp Game was purely academic, but I figured there was no way she was going to believe it was for a term paper. The fact that this book is actually serious, still kind of amazes me. Although it's sort of silly sounding, Pimpin' Ken is totally serious. Virtually every facet of pimpin is covered in depth and he brings a lot of real world experience to the table. If you'd have told me 20 years ago that 20 years from now, I'd be in a bookstore late on a Friday night, buying a self-improvement book on Pimpin, by a Pimp, well, I probably would have fallen over laughing.

But there I was. It seemed surreal b/c well, I just tried to imagine my picture on the cover instead of Pimpin' Ken and thought, "Nope, it would never work for me". I remember back when Self-Improvement was the same in most every store - Psycho-Cybernetics, Dianetics, all the Napoleon Hill series, Tony Robbins' stuff, M Scott Peck's books. On the less serious side there was also a whole bunch of stuff on inner children, families of choice and other silliness and "Recovery". Over the years, Self-Improvement has developed a whole lot of niche areas, but never did I think I'd see a book on the Rules of Pimping. There was all sorts of books there on how to get over crappy relationships, healing anger, assertiveness and the like - so I'm not sure how that crew would deal with Pimpin' Ken. As surreal as all this was, I guess it was the Harry Potter insanity was the perfect backdrop for it. Hey, if all these people can sit around dressed up like Wizards and whatever, carrying around "The end is near signs", some reclusive computer nerd like me has every right to try to keep it real with Pimpin' Ken (although something about that name isn't sitting well with me. I mean, the Pimpin' part is ok, but Ken just isn't working. I think a single consonant would at least sound a lot more real.

So at this point, I need to quit writing and get back to reading Ken Blanchard , Agatha Christie and Dale Cargnegie quotes framed in the context of a modern day Pimp. By tomorrow morning, I'll hopefully be able to Turn Ho Ends into Dividends or more practical stuff like "Be a leader". Once I get that down, I'm going to get busy reading "Law 36 - Be Internationally Known, Nationally Recognized and Locally Accepted". This is critical of course, because the streets are watching and I'm not sure I've done enough prepartion building my street cred. We'll see. All in all though, I'll take Pimpin' Ken over Harry Potter any day of the week.

I'm hoping by the way, to finally get my career as a gangsta rapper started. As i have mentioned before, I was thinking of starting a rap crew called "B Nice and tha Hoe Killaz". I of course would be B-Nice (B as in Bill for those of you that dont' keep it real). Finding the Hoe Killaz however, has proven to be illusive although I've found some possible leads during the two times I've ridden on the Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority aka MARTA

Accordingly, following Pimpin' Ken's 33rd Law "Bring Your People with You to the Top", I'd like to offer any of my regular readers an opportunity to join the Hoe Killaz. I'd prefer people with some fresh Grillz , but in the spirit of keepin it real, lack of a fly Grill and bling, will not bar you from consideration to take it to the next level as a Hoe Killa. Use the contact me link for more information.

UPDATE: Since I first posted this on Friday, it's gotten the crap indexed out of it. If you Search Google for the phrase Pimpin Ken this post is # 11 . Since then, I started doing a little research and I found Pimpin Ken and got an Add from him. Also hooked up with Big Paper Chase aka Oil Can Harry and Hoetester. If you haven't figured it out - IMHO, Hoetester has to be one of the flyest rappers I've heard in years but for some reason, I never came across his work. As far as Paper Chase goes, he's already come up and proven his game is tops. I'm not a big MySpace fan and in general, am not a big social networking guys. But with Adds like this, Barbie Cummings and some of the other folks I've come across, I'm starting to see the light.

70-536 Moving Quickly

William — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 02:44:00 GMT

Well, we've got some pretty stiff stiff competition -- Ann's book is getting all the glory but our 70-536 MCTS Guide is already kicking some butt. We moved up 1,000 points since yesterday overall on Amazon's rankings and have just broken #60 in Computers...(read more)

Dear Apress....

William — Fri, 13 May 2005 16:11:00 GMT

As a loyal customer, I need to ask you for one favor. This is a very petty and immature request on my part, but I have to ask it anyway. Please don't give Tobin any more HardCovers for his books:

Working with Tobin is hard enough as it is because he outdoes me at everything, we have essentially a Homer Simpson, Ned Flanders relationship. Everything I want, he's already got. Every time I learn something new, he already learned it. Every time we have a discussion on politics or religion, he beats me. It's brutal to deal with. He's beaten me to being an author by a few years and now that I'm finally having an opportunity to publish, I thought I had finally caught up. UNTIL THIS!!!!!!!!!! A Hard Back Book? Ok, I can see why Ingo gets a Hard Back. I can see why Mark & Jason got one. But Tobin too? Ok, I'll admit it, his threading book was Threading book was great and this book is too - but it doesn't deserve a Hard Cover. Why? Because I'm jealous that's why. So this of course means war! I need to write a better book then him first, and then I need one that's hard cover. (A little know secret about www.tibasolutions.com is that I was hired in large part because of my stunning good looks (Tobin was hired solely for technical prowess (and while it's true that his wife is probably one of the hottest ladies in NC or SC, I can only think she married him b/c she's really impressed by men who know their way around Code Access Security), we were trying to help develop a studly programmer image which I've done wonders to make happen. Here's a huge possible benefit for my next publisher, they could put my Mug on the Front of the book and that should at least cause a few thousand extra sales.)

Also, the .NET For Strippers - A Practical Guide to Design Patterns, .NET and other interesting topics - project is open again. That's right, if FYM, Wired, GQ or any other magazine wants to write an article on it, or any book publisher wants to break new ground in book coolness, KC and I are your men.

Anyways T, congratulations on the new book man and thanks for the complimentary copy. Hopefully some of your brainyness will start rubbing off on me ;-)

/bill's House O Insomnia : Humor, Books

Pimpology vs Harry Potter

70-536 Moving Quickly

Dear Apress....