Stoners in line

Apparently the "Atlanta Regional Blunt Smoking" contest held earlier today and from the looks of it, it must have been impressive.  How do I know this?  Because I made the mistake of running over to a major SuperStore to get laundry detergent and misc household cleaning products.

As much as i hate standing in lines, I hate it even more when I have to stand in line b/c someone is being a retard. And while I couldn't care less if you choose to do X, I do care when you do x, act like a retard and stand in front of me in line.  Here's a few clues that stoners might find useful:

• I've been alive 35 years now.  In only 2 instances have I ever seen someone that wasn't stoned use Visine in public.  Yes, I know, some people have dry eyes.  I get that. But those people usually figure out that it's a lot easier to put Visine in your eyes in a bathroom somewhere, then say, in the checkout line at Walmart at 7:00PM in the evening with half a zillion people watching you.
• Pachouli Oil.  The government needs to honestly start a war on stink.  This means, not showering, not brushing your teeth, not washing your clothes and for damn sure, wearing pachouli oil.  I've heard all the BS about how deoderant actually makes you sweat more and stink worse, but well, I haven't met anyone that showers regularly and uses deoderant that stinks all the time. Every single person I know that wears pachouli however...  And the truth is, nothign says "I'm a stoner" more than Pachouli. Don't wear it.
• Practice makes perfect.  Punching in a 4 or 5 digit number into a pad really isn't that hard. I know old man Bush had trouble with it, but he was like 100 years old and probably didn't have much reason to use debit cards.  Younger folks however, are a different story.  Staring at the pad, waiting about 15 seconds, then busting out a "Ahhh f***** man, I forgot my PIN" means only one thing - you're a stoner and you shouldn't be in line.  Also, forgetting where your wallet is typically raises suspicion. Especially when you check your back pocket for your wallet 3 times and it suddenly magically appears on the third try. Also, I know sending Text messages is a life and death thing, but not if it's going to hold you up from paying the cashier.  Finishing off your text message before you attempt to enter your PIN is a dead giveway that you're an a-hole, and that you've probably been smoking too many blunts.
• Try not to talk too much. Most people don't lose their train of thought 5-6 times before actually formulating a complete sentence.  So something like "Wow, I knew it, that Howard K Stern dude.......... crap, I lost my train of thought" might be passable once.  But after 3 or 4, you really start looking stoned to everyone in line.
• Go to a head shop or convenience store if you want to buy blunt wrappers.  Asking a WalMart cashier for "Juicy Jays, banana" and expecting him/her to know what that is makes you an idiot.  The only thing that makes you a bigger idiot, is if you do it stoned off your a55, then try to explain what it is to the cashier followed by some lame mea culpa on the lines of "Well, I've heard people use these to roll blunts, but I'm totally against drugs so that's not why I want it."
• Opening a bag of Ranch Doritos and a bottle of Minute Made and crushing it before you check out is another dead giveaway, especially when it's a huge bag. And the only thing that makes your nasty pachouli oil stink worse is Doritos burps and pachouli.
• Wait until you get out to your car to ask your friends "I think they knew we were baked?"