The PowerPoint Nazi
If you haven't checked out Caustic Phil's site, you really need to. He's got me inspired to comment on one of my own favorite groups of people to Hate - The PowerPoint Nazi. Powerpoint is great tool and it's not Microsoft's fault that so many total f-ing losers hide behind it. But there's nothing more dreadful than some insecure loser with no talent and a bunch of aspirations for success and PowerPoint - Except for maybe the same person with Microsoft Project.
Powerpoint has gotten totally out of hand. I remember on the final day of class in grad school, I made a promise to myself that I would NEVER do anything in PowerPoint again. I had just sat through 3 weeks of final projects-- all of which were done in PowerPoint. MBA's are an annoying lot, trust me on this. They don't need any help to be annoying they accomplish it quite well on their own. So I submitted my project which was the culmination of all of my accumulated grad school learning. I spent about 4 months on the damned thing, combing over every nook and cranny making sure I crossed my t's and dotted my i's. I put all of my effort into getting my numbers right and I when you're dealing with Multiple Linear regressions, linear programming and advanced econometrics, there's a lot of room for screw ups. I volunteered to go first and got it out of the way. Part of your grade was on presentation and I ended up getting a 97% on my project despite the savagery I took on my presentation. I read Tufte's book on how to present data and thought I did a good job. The professor and my faculty advisor agreed. But many of my fellow students didn't. I didn't use any clip art. I didn't use any of the flying transitions. No buzzwords either. And all I did was use Powerpoint to show what I was going to talk about. Since there was an assload of math, I distrbibuted handouts showing the analysis that I was referring to. That was my first mistake. But even though I took a beating on my presentation I was stoked that I aced the class. The professor made us sit through everyone's presentation though, so I had three weeks total of this. It was the most brutal shit I ever went through. Anyway, I figured out the ManagerWannabe Algorithm.
1) Don't know what you're talking about -> Insert Buzzwords
2) Don't know how to do the math or engage in any real analysis -> Use the Slide In transition. Make sure the transitions never come from the same direction
3) Don't know what the fuck your thesis was -> Insert Platitudes, riddle them with Buzzwords and Acronyms and add a lot of sounds and flashy effects. Also make sure you speak with 100% certaintly. If anyone asks you a question, dodge and evade it and refer to the self explanatory slides
All this came back to life last weekend. My girlfriend had to redo some work of a former employee in her company. All the last chick did was throw as much bullshit into a presentation as you could shove into something
”Our product inerfaces with the user at the user Level” What the fuck does that mean? Who know - goto step 2
Basically, every f*****ng bastardization of the word Interface was in there over and over. Note to powerpoint losers - Using Interface as a verb isn't COOL - It's stupid. I'm sorry you all, but using shit like “The interface interfaces with other product's Interfaces and interfaces with other products at the product level” is nothing but bullshit. All the transitions in the world isn't going to change that. All the clip art in the world isn't going to fix it either. And what is up with stating the painfully obvious. I've seen the following at least 40 times in my life
Powerpoint Slide Header “ Conclusion”
PowerPoint Side Text “This concludes our presentation”
Wow really? I never would have guessed.
Powerpoint Slide Header “Introduction”
PowerPoint Side Text “We are going to introduce X and describe what it does”
Slide Header “Discussion”
Slide Text “We're going to discuss how it works”
This sucks and it's bullshit. You can add any or all of the following as much as you want, it will still suck:
“Business Processes”, “take it offline”, “Customizable Interface” , “easy to use Interface”, “Interfaces with most popular products” , “cutting edge”, “bleeding edge” ... I'll get the whole project from Kim tomorrow b/c it has every example of what not to do. You just want to yell at these people “If your product is so fucking good, why do you have to Bullshit about it? And why do they have a total idiot showing it off?”
More to come...