Spammers, you are wasting your time..

I am not in the market for a fake Rolex watch. I have a perfectly good 20 year old Casio digital watch good for depths of 200 metres, thanks very much, and it keeps perfect time. Replacement batteries and straps have cost me more than the original watch, but I don't care. It is not a fake Casio.

I am not in the market for a fake Louis Vuitton wallet. I have a perfectly good Bosca wallet, now eight years old but still looking like new. It is not a fake Bosca wallet.

I have no desire to join the 'Vegas and Royal Casino'. I am not a gambler and never have been.

Sunreef Yachts may well be a leader in the marine industry, but I doubt that they have an agent called Norma Mosley who uses a Hotmail e-mail address. So, Norma, you will get no information from me.

I don't care if Britney Spears divorced Kevin Federline or signed a family bag of Dill Pickle flavoured potato chips for a star struck onlooker at her local 7-11. I don't need pics of the events or a three paragraph rundown of either event.

I am quite happy to purchase Tylenol at my local pharmacy as and when required. A small pack lasts me 6 months.

I know what you people are trying to get me to do, and it is not working out well for you at all. If you think that I am about to click on any of your links, thereby picking up an infection for my troubles, think again.

You are too illiterate, too stupid. You haven't done your basic marketing too well. I don't buy or am ever tempted to buy services or goods from idiots.

To the moron who sent this one out (pic to the right), I say this.

This is singularly the saddest attempt yet to infect my computer. What were you thinking about? Look at the top!! Advertising your hidden wares like this is not smart.

If you are going to demand a ransom for something of mine, ensure that I have actually gotten 'whatever it is' first. Asking $50,000 for something I don't have or want is pointless.

You would have scored more Brownie points if you had told me that I had won the Microsoft Online Lottery, albeit not enough to equal the value of one air mile.

If you qualify for occupational therapy, go for the basket weaving. You can make yourself a waste basket which you can then wear proudly.

Back To Past XPerience..

According to a report in 'The Register', a third of all Vista machines have been put back to XP. Read more here:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/08/19/windows_xp_vista_7/

Personally, I think that home users are wrong in doing this unless, like commerce, they have mission critical procedures vital to their well-being.

Dubious support from 3rd parties in the early days, castigation by the press for the lack of promised features, and a completely unfriendly way of dumping people into standard user mode has done a great deal of damage to Vista's image. Most people who talk to me about how bad Vista is have never actually used it or had it installed on any machine of theirs. Their views are based entirely on OLD hearsay.

Upgraders whine about how much more resource Vista requires over XP, but look back to the average Win 9x/ME machine specs.

• PIII processor or less
• 64mb RAM or less
• 10gb HDD or less
• 4Mb Video card or less

The picture was better for users of Win 2000 Pro because it required 256mb RAM to be anything special, but most home users and hobbyists didn't have it, and commerce was not about to upset the apple cart with a Fisher-Price operating system anyway.

While XP would accept a PIII, 64mb RAM was not acceptable despite claims on the box, and installing XP on a 10gb drive was like stuffing a large animal into a small transit cage. The cheapest way to get a half decent XP system was to buy one, notwithstanding the downside of OEM operating system constraints.

Nothing has changed. Vista runs ok on a system sold with it pre-installed, although that can't be said for some of the early boxes which were only just about fit for XP.

So Windows 7 will be released in 2010. Vista would have been released earlier had Microsoft not tried to base it on XP, and then have to start from scratch because XP was not a suitable base. The fact that Microsoft is putting its weight behind Windows 7 now is no different to what they did when XP was released in final form. It is because of the amount of time we all heard about what the new OS would be that caused problems when it was finally launched.

Take note, people. XP was simply not good enough.

It may have been the best Microsoft operating system, but it isn't anymore. Get with the times or be left way behind.

In The Clouds..

They told me that cloud computing was the way to go. I asked them if they thought that my connection was fast enough, and they said yes.

So I gave up my computer on the ground.

But my new computer was not fast enough, and neither was my Internet connection. Before too long, I could only get yesterday's news.

My ISP told me I would have to pay more for a faster connection if I wanted things  to improve, so I paid more but it didn't work out. YouTube movies were still going back in time.

Cloud computing is not working out well at all now. My ISP told me that there were too many people in the clouds, and that they would have to limit the amount of users on any given day. They told me that it would be easy for me to remember which day I could connect as my day started with the letter 'C' (for clouds).

I sat looking at a blank screen for a while, then I remembered something in the basement which began with the letter 'C' for Commodore. Now my screen is full again with ground based stuff like 'Rock Fall' and 'Outlaws'.

Yiiiipppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

Key Codes and Microsoft Office 2007..

We'll start with some observation. Affixed to the base of your new laptop is a COA sticker. The key code on the sticker will allow activation of

Microsoft Windows Vista <Edition>

No rocket science so far, eh. Make special note of the first letter of each of the first three words above. Just to ensure that we are on the same page before moving forwards, the letters are

M W V

OK. So you have been using one of the applications contained in the trial of

Microsoft Office <Edition> 2007 

Note the bold letters, because there will be a test very soon

M O

At the end of the 60 day trial period (you get warning before the end, so you will know it is coming), you will be asked for a key code in order to keep Microsoft Office working. The test starts here, by the way.

Where will you find the Microsoft Office key code?

Unless you purchase MS Office as a separate product, you will not have the installation DVD or packaging to which will be affixed the MS Office COA sticker, so don't waste your time looking for something you know you never purchased.

The sticker affixed to the base of your laptop will not help either. Do you know why that is?

At the beginning of this piece, I gave you the long names of two Microsoft products and, to make it easier, the first letters of each word making up the titles of the two products. Bearing in mind that each product type has its own key code, we will compare the two sets of letters. This will give you a clue as to why the key code on the base of your laptop will not enable the activation of Microsoft Office - The Trial.

M W V

M O

(clue - The only similarity is the first letter)

<End Test>

One Man's treasure..

I hear a considerable amount of talk about how good CCleaner is. Some computer users have a 'thing' about crap, going into each folder looking for stuff which they think that they no longer or never did need. It can become an obsession.

So I downloaded CCleaner to see what it could do and, to conduct the test fairly, I ran it as most users would, making no changes to the default setup. It tells me that I gained 406mb hard drive real estate, but what did it cost me?

It removed..

1. registry entries, but only safe ones which were not affecting anything, and don't take up much space anyway
2. file history in Wordpad, which takes up little space and means that I now have to find the files I use regularly to get them back in the list
3. URL history.. which uses up virtually no space but includes all of the URLs I visited yesterday, but did not save as favourites
4. the password for my customized ISP home page, such that when my home page loaded after cleaning, it was not what I expected to see as it was now the default ISP home page
5. Thumbnail caches which do take up real estate, but that also enable Windows to redisplay graphics files quickly if a folder containing pictures, clipart etc is opened

Overall, I successfully managed to do not a great deal except to make life more difficult. Were I to uncheck the items which have made life more difficult for me, running CCleaner would have achieved NOTHING AT ALL.

Anyway, I have decided that I too will free up some hard drive real estate. It involves going into Control Panel > Programs and Features where I will highlight CCleaner and then select UNINSTALL..

Job done.. 

New and potential Vista users please take note!!

If you have bought a computer recently..

..you will have had a first taste of Windows Vistas UAC (User Account Control). This is the box which pops up now and again to tell you 'NO'. As annoying as this feature can be, it is exists for your benefit. but is probably singlehandedly driving you to consider replacing Windows Vista with Windows XP.

There is a utility which can take the pain of UAC away, and it is called TweakUAC. Click on the link below, which will take you to the web site where you can download it.

http://www.tweak-uac.com/home/

And to think that you had given up all hope of ever being in control again..

Upgrading to Vista..

Before you purchase anything..

Target Systems..

Vista needs more RAM and more space in which to operate than previous Windows editions. There is good reason for this, as Vista is way more capable of overcoming system errors, and has way more security coded in. In order to take advantage of Vista's Aero facility, a good quality video card is also required.

• Target systems do not need to dual or quad core but dual core or higher is an advantage.
• RAM should be at least 1gb, and more if the target system has an integrated video card.
• Hard drive size should be 120gb or more, where 60 - 80gb is allocated as the primary partition.
• Video should have at least 128mb 'dedicated' RAM for Aero and other visual enhancements to work.

If your present system is the same as or better than the above, Vista should install and run well.

Why does Vista require more resources than XP? Simply because Vista is NOT just XP with a new look.

However, there are more considerations to take into account as this just covers the operating system. You may have peripheral devices for which there are no Vista drivers, i.e. scanners, printers, webcams, even  keyboards etc.

Software often has an OS identifier coded in such that any attempt to install on a newer operating system will ultimately fail. This applies to drivers, applications and utilities, and essentially forces the computer owner to pay for versions which will work in the new OS.

You may well find that a printer driver will work but the printer support utility doesn't. Some older applications may appear to work without issue on the face of it, but may also display quirks with which you may not be able co-exist.

A first test to see if Vista will work for you is the 'Vista upgrade advisor'. It is ONLY an advisor, and it will be your responsibility to check out its findings with hardware and software manufacturers.

OEM or Retail?

When you buy an OEM (Original Equipment Manufacturer) product, you are taking on FULL responsibility for ALL support and warranty issues. This is why OEM products are cheaper.

When you buy OEM Vista, you get only one platform level. If you buy 32bit OEM Vista, that is all you get. If you lose the DVD, you take on the responsibility of replacing it. If you want support, looking in a mirror will show you who is responsible. Retail purchases cost more, but you get all of the normal rights of a customer, full support, and you also get both 32bit and 64bit DVDs.

OEM Vista can only be installed on one system, and it lives and dies with that system. It is NOT transferable to another system. You can activate it as many times as you like as long as it is the original system being used.

Retail Vista can be transferred to any other machine, and activated as many times as is required. If you lose or damage a DVD, Microsoft will replace it.

All versions of Vista can only be activated on one machine at any one time. If you need two computers running Vista, you will need to buy two Vistas.