Brian H. Madsen - .Net Powered by Caffeine : Have a laugh - c'mon you know you want to.

Absolutely hillarious promo video from Microsoft – Cannon PI

Brian Madsen — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:42:00 GMT

http://www.dangerousbeak.com/?cat=1

This is an absolute hoot!!

Funniest code comment ever..

Brian Madsen — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 23:44:00 GMT

A colleague of mine sent me this little snippet of gold yesterday - it had me laughing like a drunken seal so i figured i'd share it.

//
// Dear maintainer:
//
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy:
//
// total_hours_wasted_here = 16
//

Priceless...have you seen any other funny code comments?

Banks using not-so-best-practises…

Brian Madsen — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 06:45:37 GMT

One of the idiosyncrasies today with banks is that they “claim” to be securely holding your funds and are normally very strict on giving out personal information.

If you call a bank up to report a lots credit card, or have any queries at all, you get put through a string of questions, regarding your personal information so that they can verify that you are who you claim to be.

I’m all for that – but what happens when the “bank” calls you up?

Well, before they’ll even entertain the idea of letting you know who they are and where they’re from, they again want to put you through a string of questions, to verify that you are who you claim to be.

Now, am i the only one who’s read countless books on social engineering? or am i the only one getting spam mail sent contain bank detail hoaxes?

Do i then normally reply with all my personal details, banking details (account numbers, pin codes, passwords etc) straight away because they ask for it?

no – that’s the short answer – i don’t – and neither should you.

So what makes a bank think that i’ll simply just take their word for it that they are who they claim to be? And god forbid that i should tell them that i’m NOT going to verify who i am by giving you all my details over the phone before i can verify who you are…

Last time it happened for me was when my banks fraud squad had found some “suspect” transactions against my credit card and called me up…i told them the person on the phone that i had absolutely no intentions of giving him/her my banking details, nor any of my personal details – they should know these already if they’re calling me.

Obviously i must be one of the very few that has any problems with this set of practises – seeing as banks are continuing to use this approach. Oh, it’s great for them as they can verify who i am, but i’ve no way at all to verify who they are.

Either people are too trusting or banks sees this as “the best practise” approach…

Basically, if a bank – or hell, any other organisation or corporation – wants to know who i am, they can give me means to verify who they are. Why don’t they call me up and ask me to call a specific number (which should be preordained via my banking details) together with a RSA SecurityID code? Or, why don’t banks give me details that enables me to verify the caller? such as a password for them to say, or other details they can verify?

I think it’s just about being lazy and i dont’ think i can' count how many bank calls i’ve hung up on because they refused to let me, in any way or form, verify who they are.

Does anybody else have any problems with these practises?

Macroeconomics - in light of todays environment

Brian Madsen — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 03:41:00 GMT

I thought that, in light of todays troubled macroeconomics and the behavior of "some" senior execs around the world, that this would be suitable.

I wonder why type of underwear, or rather, what brand of underwear i'll be choosing when i next go shopping for it??

Accepting status quo – when intellectual (diminished?) egos discuss the finer points of obsolete data

Brian Madsen — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 06:58:23 GMT

I got a message today, via FaceBook, that my esteemed x-colleague, Colin Scott (www.abstractcode.com) wants to challenge me on, what he terms, a blog duel.

Rather than using such a harsh and aggressive term, I’d call it a battle between two intellectually challenged egos – or, what our women normally call “discussion”.

Colin states that we should learn to live with the reality of obsolete data. This was in response to me arguing that RSS feeds weren’t necessarily good source of information. Or, more importantly the point i was trying to make, which was that the way we deal with it isn’t good.

Now, before we enter into the debate about data being obsolete purely because time has passed, there’s a few aspects i think needs to be considered first.

Would the data be in a state of constant change – not merely inconsistently updated/changed.

Is the data we’re observing the distance a person has travelled while he’s in motion, or
is the data we’re observing constant enough, within our own acceptable parameters, for it to be measurable

Would the data be historical data, which time has no effect on.

I think for some data, you have to accept that it can, or most likely will be obsolete by the time you receive it. For others, i feel that accepting status quo is a reflection of ignorance (or laziness?).

Colin makes a lot of good arguments as to why obsolete data is the reality of the world. You make decisions each day based on data, be it $1,000,000,000 business decisions or whether or not you need to step out on the road when you get to the curb.

However, Colin is off the rails and wrong – as per usual – not because his arguments are invalid or because he’s…well..Colin. No, he’s wrong because i wasn’t speaking about business decisions, nor was I discussing physical mail address changes that can confuse the post office.

I was speaking about the validity of the information you get from RSS feeds and the way our feed readers handle that information – Colin states that we make these decisions based on information – correct we do. However, the feed reader doesn’t give me the option to make a decision.

No, it makes one for me, which inadvertedly leaves me with obsolete data. It does so by design – it doesn’t give me the option of updating the current post OR for me to store the amended post – or even view it. it simply discards it.

Going back to the evaluation we had to do early on, data from an RSS feed is not in a constant state of change. It’s inconsistently updated and as such we can make a decision based on what to do when it’s updated.

Colin seems to think (being that he is, well, Colin, and wrong as usual) we should realise that we make decisions based on knowing that our data is obsolete.

I believe that we should set our acceptable measures and make a decision based on that.

As Colin did, i’ll also shown an example where we make a decision, which will be wrong, based on the fact that we accepted that our data is obsolete.

Say, I’ve read an article from a news agency (on my mobile phone that is, utilising RSS as a means of distribution), which states that there’s a fire 50km from my house – I believe that 50km was indeed a long way away so did not feel that i should do anything about the situation. I mean, 50km is a long distance away and it’ll hardly affect me. However, i decide to check the status of this fire once per hour, because i want to just keep an eye on where it’s at so i can at least get early warning. For 3-4 hours, the distance is the same..50km – suddenly i smell smoke and it’s actually in my backyard (or close enough for me to smell it). The news article has been updated 3-4 times over the last couple of hours, even new items has been published. However, because of the way RSS is dealt with i didn’t get any of the updates.

Would my decision to stay have been the same if the information had been updated with the amended data? Should i accept the data being obsolete if this was what was at stake?

This is where you have to evaluate the criteria for how important the data is – granted, somebody getting caught in a fire would probably put a lot more weight on the importance of the data being correct than somebody who’s just reading some gibberish on a joke web site.

Anyways, the examples Colin displays all validate his perception and statements. However, they have nothing to do with the points i was making.

in Colin’s post he mentions that SOA has advantages in that we’re accepting that the data is not the latest – due to the decoupled nature of services. i absolutely agree and the architecture in itself is meant to support this – but, you’ll always build in the acceptable criteria for when and how exceptions are dealt with. If data is older than X timeframe we request new data or we discard it. Applications has to rely on the data it gets, so we set those criteria. The business will set the acceptance criteria for our application to ensure that they make their decisions based on factual data – how accurate that data is, depends on the business.

We do that with all the decisions we make and the applications we create. We set the acceptance criteria. If you’ve arrived at the corner of the street you don’t just blindly step out on the road because last time you looked, 100 meters back, it was green – no, you look up again. hence we’re making a decision about stepping out onto the road or not, based on the status of the traffic signal. The acceptance there and then is that we absolutely need to see that the signal is green, otherwise chances are we wont cross the road.

I say there’s a big difference in saying that data is obsolete and we should learn to accept it, to how we set these criteria.

In summary:

Colin is wrong. this is obvious as he reads things only in black and white, not in reality and perspective.
The decision we make, and the realisation we “may” come to, is based on the acceptance criteria we make. Not blindly accepting that data is obsolete just because it is.
There is no guarantees in the world Colin, that’s what life is all about.

disclaimer: please note that both Colin and myself are *** stirrers and thoroughly enjoy pestering each other. we have done so for years and will most likely always continue to do so. We’ve known each other for quite a while, and while i’m still better looking than Colin…well, smarter AND better looking, he has age on his side as he’s far younger than i am (see, Colin, i do concede some wins to you). Over to you Colin..

Male Rules - who dares bring this up with your woman?

Brian Madsen — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 21:20:00 GMT

It seems that 2009 is the year of fun and games - especially internally here as i keep getting sent these hillarious little tidbits from some of my colleagues.

Now, before you read on - please be very, very certain of your current brownie point standing with the mrs IF you dare to bring these rules up with her.

My points are above average, yet i think i'll wait another anniversary or two before i put these rules in front of my wife.

"The Rules" of Men

please note: these rules are all numbered 1 on purpose

1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way

1. Crying is blackmail

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

- Subtle hints do not work
- Strong hints do not work
- Obvious hints do not work
- Just say it!

1. "Yes" and "No" answers are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts 17 months is not normal. Go see a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days (or after 1 weekend has passed)

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "Nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really!

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have enough shoes

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape

Words of Wisdom - Bush classics

Brian Madsen — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 02:47:00 GMT

Another funner one - again, sent to me by a colleague (RB) and i thought it'd be fitting to share this one:

"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- George W. Bush

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
- George W. Bush

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
- George W. Bush

"I have made good judgements in the past. IO have made good judgements in the future."
- George W. Bush

"The future will be better tomorrow."
- George W. Bush

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
- George W. Bush

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
- George W. Bush

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe, We are a part of Europe."
- George W. Bush

"I have my own, strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them."
- George W. Bush

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
- George W. Bush

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
- George W. Bush

"Quite frankly, teachers at the only profession that teach our children."
- George W. Bush

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
- George W. Bush

And my all time favorite:

"Public speaking is very easy."
- George W. Bush

"Americans ARE sacrificing - i mean, we're paying a lot of taxes"
- George W. Bush

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I also found a bunch of great Tubes that had me giggling like a lil’ schoolgirl.

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ux3DKxxFoM

Great moments in presidential speeches compilation:

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=GoNVOH9ygNM&feature=related

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=NqJiCDElWmo&feature=related

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Could this young woman do worse as the president of USA?

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=ANTDkfkoBaI&feature=related

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lastly, but not least as i was watching the last of the Bush movies i scrolled through the “Related Videos” on the right hand side:

When i get to the bottom of the list i got a surprise – and i’m not sure this is a joke or if it was for real:

So – the big question really is – can Obama EVER do any worse?

I honestly highly doubt it…

What goes through your mind when somebody says “Lets go for a drink”?

Brian Madsen — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 08:29:54 GMT

I had this sent to me today from a colleague (female one of course) and i simply just had to share it!!

Now, i wonder what gender that ad was directed at?

What your cat is really doing?

Brian Madsen — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 01:49:51 GMT

Was having one of those “it’s sort of late, and we’re talking ***” conversations with Sahil Malik and he sends me a link to this. But first, take a brief moment and consider the actions of your cat.

Sahil sends his love…LMGDFAO!!

Brian Madsen — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 23:22:47 GMT

First off, i shouldn’t really post this, but it was absolutely hilarious!!

ok, on second thought i should.

I interrupted Sahil today (he was really really busy) and after a few lines of chat he said “hey, found this picture of you today on the web”..i was like “huh?? what?”..

he then send me this link…(warning, contains offensive gesticulations) and i was nearly pissing myself laughing when i saw it!

Just wanted to share it because it was priceless!

‘nuff said?? soz to anybody taking offense..had a bad drive into work this morning and Sahil pretty much cheered me up with this pic!

So that’s my response to drivers that DOESN’T BLOODY UNDERSTAND THAT 2M IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE DISTANCE TO KEEP WHEN DRIVING!!! MORONS! </ rant>

w00t – you just got to love that on-site support for this price tag

Brian Madsen — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 03:05:43 GMT

Had a bit of a giggle today as SE, one of my colleagues, came to me and showed this brilliant SDM solution from Dell.

It was found in the Precision laptop range (M6300 model to be exact) for Small Business Centre (up to 400 employees) solutions.

Buying 1 M6300 Laptop, with 3 year dedicated SDM on-site support will only set you back $1.17Mill. Yeps, that’s right, medium business owner here really needs to love that on-site support for his M6300 laptop.

I’m not certain what SDM includes, but at that price it’d better be one helluva hot technician sitting on my lap.

Hell, it’s specialised on-site dedicated support even…i think we’re talking about services well and truly above and beyond the call of duty here :)

what i think it’s most funny is that this is displayed online. Not certain how many credit card holders out there, would flick through their MasterCard to foot that bill.

and yeps..it’s on the credit card :)

Now, this is for a $3000 laptop..gotta love it. I may have taken this out of context and SDM is some serious hot enterprise level support..but the laugh is just that it’s available online, for a $3000 laptop. how’s that for efficient purchasing?

Lenny Henry rocks Perth Concert Hall!

Brian Madsen — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:38:00 GMT

Yesterday the wife and me went to see Lenny Henry performing at the Perth Concert Hall. I've never seen live stand up comedy before, except on TV where there's those pesky ad breaks, and I must say that the experience was unlike any i've ever had.

First I must say that i've not laughed this much for a looooooong time - it was roughly two hours of abs training and i was extremely sore in my jaw and stomach (all of my stomach actually!!) after having smiled like a fool and laughed far too loud for the entire session.

I was first introduced to Lenny when he did the first series of Chef on BBC when i was back home in Denmark and was glued to the TV each night it was on. Chef continued for 3 seasons and to this day i'm sure that Ramsey and Lenny are one and the same (hmmm, ok, Lenny is a 6+ foot black male and Ramsey is a white bloke and probably the most funniest chef on TV) because their behavior in the kitchen was almost identical.

This session marked the end of Lenny's performance in australia and he's going to new zealand next. So, for all of those kiwis (can i say kiwis???) with a sense of humour, it's simply a must see. If you don't have tickets yet you should honestly sell a kidney (ok, it's not that expensive, but worth it) and buy a ticket..if you can't get one, you're missing out on one of life's best remedies...laughing!!

Here's some more credible feedback on the show than me:

"Remarkable and exhilarating observational comedy" Financial Times, London
"Brilliant...a stunning breakthrough for stand up comedy" Daily Mail, London
"Stunning, a complete blast" Daily Mail, London

His tour of AusNZ will, as i said earlier, end in New Zealand:

25 July 2008 - Christchurch Town Hall

26 July 2008 - New Plymouth - TSB Theatre

28 July 2008 - Auckland - ASB Theatre Aotea Centre, The EDGE

29 July 2008 - Auckland - ASB Theatre Aotea Centre, The EDGE

31 July 2008 - Wellington - Michael Fowler Centre

What more can i say - best performance ever (and he doesn't even look like he's hitting 50 yet!!!!)

How To Write Unmaintainable Code – still my favourite

Brian Madsen — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 23:59:43 GMT

Waiting for a colleague to come in for a meeting, i decided to quickly read up on one of my most favourite white papers out there today.

Namely, how to write unmaintainable code…even though it was written a long time ago, i’m still enjoying the pun and the solid hilarious read.

Luckily, nobody i work with has ever gone to this extent in order to keep their jobs.

excerpt:

General Principles

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur.
- Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.

To foil the maintenance programmer, you have to understand how he thinks. He has your giant program. He has no time to read it all, much less understand it. He wants to rapidly find the place to make his change, make it and get out and have no unexpected side effects from the change.
He views your code through a toilet paper tube. He can only see a tiny piece of your program at a time. You want to make sure he can never get at the big picture from doing that. You want to make it as hard as possible for him to find the code he is looking for. But even more important, you want to make it as awkward as possible for him to safely ignore anything.

Programmers are lulled into complacency by conventions. By every once in a while, by subtly violating convention, you force him to read every line of your code with a magnifying glass.

You might get the idea that every language feature makes code unmaintainable -- not so, only if properly misused.

Here’s the full read: How To Write Unmaintainable Code

How can you just not love it?

Technorati Tags: Roedy Green,Unmaintainable code,What not to do with code

Visual Studio 2008 error notification...when not to make sense

Brian Madsen — Thu, 29 May 2008 03:45:14 GMT

A colleague of mine who's working on the same project as I am, got an error today in Visual Studio 2008 (when he was building the app) which just made a lot of sense...or..did it.

Brilliant!!! "The operation completed successfully" is registered as a build error.

Technorati Tags: Visual Studio 2008

This survey i trust - Apple perceived as gay-friendly

Brian Madsen — Mon, 19 May 2008 00:37:43 GMT

A colleague of mine, SE, who knows full well that i'm slightly biased when it comes to technology (and no, we're not just talking my love for C# here), sent me a link today for an article published over at Gizmodo Australia.

When i saw the link i nearly fell off my chair, laughing, as there's both an internal joke here together with an opportunity to seriously poke some fun at Apple/Mac users :)

I should mention that I have absolutely nothing against the homosexual community...so take note that this is NOT a gay-bashing article, nor does it in any way inflict a lesser opinion on those with that sexual persuasion.

Here's the article:

In a recent survey, 757 gay and *** participants were asked to rank companies by their gay-friendly factor. Apple came in first place among tech companies with 39% of participants strongly considering the brand to be gay-friendly. Among all brands, Apple came in second behind Bravo (who dominated with a rating of 52%). But alas, things didn't turn out so well for our friends (we can no longer be seen in public with) at Samsung.
Samsung ranked in the lowest tier of companies with a scant 4% of the polled population feeling the brand is gay-friendly. That puts them right between Quaker (5%) and Cracker Barrel (3%). Technically Samsung tied with Wal-Mart and Frito-Lay.
By the way, we attempted to Photoshop the gay pride/rainbow flag onto the old Apple logo, only to find that, duh, their original logo almost did the job for us. Read more about that here

You can read the article here and see the fun they had with the Apple logo as well - Apple Perceived As Gay-Friendly, Samsung Not | Gizmodo Australia

You got to have a laugh with this one...Now i know why people buy the "Air" laptop thingie from Apple. heheheheh

A new drug is out there - Sarcasma

Brian Madsen — Thu, 01 May 2008 04:43:27 GMT

I received this today from a colleague - appropriate as it is :)

it had me seriously cracking up!!! especially the testimonial "I no longer shoot my co-workers"..

Here's a link to the web site - www.sarcasma.net - absolutely hilarious!!! i'm a convert!

Technorati Tags: Sarcasma

An Adobe employee gives numbers a whole new meaning...

Brian Madsen — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 22:44:27 GMT

Sometimes it can be fun to take things out of context and totally twist the data to meet your own needs.

Sometimes you just look like a fool when you try it.

John Dowell at Adobe did just that by running a test with 4500 consumers. Seriously John, i hope this was a joke? no?

John decided to make statistics work in a favourable way and decided that 4500 subjects to test could be extrapolated to represent the entire world...4500?? honestly John. Had you said 45000 or even 450.000 then you would have been closer..close, but no cigar.

Realworld HD H.264 support: In March, 4500 consumers were tested for viewing different types of media files. 2780 of them had already installed Adobe Flash Player 9.0.115. That's 62% of today's computers, supporting no-hassle high definition playback of H.264 video. Considering this browser plugin was released in December, and the audit was conducted in March, then it's an easy choice for realworld use today. (Same goes for the persistent framework caching in Flex 3, too.) [via Justin Everett-Church]

Of course, he didn't do this study all by himself but (imho) trusted the statistics that was generated by a third party.

What amazes me is that this wasn't a joke...no, John is 100% convinced that 4500 represents all consumers and that it's an accurate enough percentage to cover everything.

Here's a link to John's "report": JD on EP: Realworld HD H.264 support

next?

Technorati Tags: Adobe,misinformed

Jeff Dunham - Achmed The Dead Terrorist - AOL Video

Brian Madsen — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 08:11:04 GMT

Now this is hillarious!!! thanks for the link Glenn!

Jeff Dunham - Achmed The Dead Terrorist - AOL Video

Joke of the Day - Female vocabulary and terminology

Brian Madsen — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 01:20:35 GMT

Again, my friendly colleague Peter has provided me with some laughs this morning..thanks Peter.

Nine words women use...

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal

statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint.

Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying @#**?! YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Joke of the day - think positive

Brian Madsen — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 01:54:06 GMT

Got this one in the interweb mail today from a friendly colleague - thanks Peter:

Positive thought for the day

When you feel that nobody loves you,
nobody cares for you,
everyone is ignoring you,
You should really ask yourself...Am I a wanker?