Male Rules - who dares bring this up with your woman?

It seems that 2009 is the year of fun and games - especially internally here as i keep getting sent these hillarious little tidbits from some of my colleagues.

Now, before you read on - please be  very, very certain of your current brownie point standing with the mrs IF you dare to bring these rules up with her.

My points are above average, yet i think i'll wait another anniversary or two before i put these rules in front of my wife.

"The Rules" of Men

please note: these rules are all numbered 1 on purpose

1. Shopping is not a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way

1. Crying is blackmail

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

  •  
    • Subtle hints do not work
    • Strong hints do not work
    • Obvious hints do not work
    • Just say it!

1. "Yes" and "No" answers are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for

1. A headache that lasts 17 months is not normal. Go see a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days (or after 1 weekend has passed)

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "Nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really!

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have enough shoes

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape

 

Published Thu, Jan 22 2009 5:20 by Brian Madsen
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Comments

# re: Male Rules - who dares bring this up with your woman?

Thursday, January 22, 2009 3:21 AM by Bronwen Zande

Those were pretty funny. Of course none of them apply to me :)

# re: Male Rules - who dares bring this up with your woman?

Thursday, January 22, 2009 3:26 AM by Colin Scott

In unrelated news, Brian has died from an attempted install of OS X. Straight through the ribcage. His wife is expected to plead not guilty on the basis that he's a lying *** male.